so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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