everyone is single if you try hard enough
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
