just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
