Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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