i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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