maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
