brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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