I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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