i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
