he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
