textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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