Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
