Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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