Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
