my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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