I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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