Welp...herpes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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