She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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