you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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