Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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