I think I am morally bankrupt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
