i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
