i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
