He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize