Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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