I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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