Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
