i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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