dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
