i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have tasted many bathrooms
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
