This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
