enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
