It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
