friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
