the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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