We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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