oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
