Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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