I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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