I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
