DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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