She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
