he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
