we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
