Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
