She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
