is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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