I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
