so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
