I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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