ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the day after is always just damage control
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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