that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
