my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize