So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
