At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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