there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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