I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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