Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
