apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
