i think my tv is drunk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
