Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
