Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
