my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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