I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
