Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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