guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
