Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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