are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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