Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
