I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
