We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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