Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
