Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
